Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
WHAT A YEAR IT'S BEEN!
I truly can't believe it's been a whole year since I've written in this blog. And when I reflect, what an amazing year it's been for Orion!
All of my previous posts seem to have a consistent theme - trauma. But today's will have a new theme - triumph! Orion has changed. He has really, profoundly changed.
This December we had snow. Not just a dusting, but blizzard like snow. In previous years Orion hated snow. And until this year he was unable to articulate what he hated about it because he couldn't answer who, what, when, where, why and how questions. This is a common difficulty with kids on the autism spectrum. But eventually we got wise and discovered it was the brightness that he didn't like. Snow is dang bright, but to the average person it's tolerable. To the kid on the autism spectrum, it's downright painful. So, when it used to snow we'd be forced to close the curtains and ignore it. Forget going out in it. That was not an option. Orion would just cry and flail around if you tried that. So, we hid inside in our dark hole of a house.
So when the forecast called for snow, and lots of it, I was prepared to become a bat for a while and live in darkness again. But, as John and I unpacked all the snow clothes Orion seemed curious. And since John was home we had two adults to manage the possible tantrum that could ensue if we got him out there and he hated it. Well, he agreed to venture out and he actually loved it! Now it may have helped that his little brother suited up and wanted to go out in it too. But regardless...this is a milestone of epic proportion for Orion. He is building coping mechanisms and self-regulating better these days than I've ever seen him. What a blessing. He's becoming much like a regular kid and actually enjoying "kid" things.
My heart is soaring thinking about it. All I've ever wanted was for him to be content in his own skin. Not for him to be a genius, or popular, or athletic, or anything else someone might aspire for their kids to be. No. I just want contentment in him. He's finally getting it and it makes me so happy.
Beyond the snow he's made other huge leaps. Last year his receptive language was that of a 2 1/2 year old's according to his speech therapist. This year his receptive language is that of a 5 year old...his actual age. He can understand and answer all the "wh and h" questions. He can perceive your mood from your facial expressions. He is considerate of your feelings. He has blossomed in the social and language area to the point that he is an entirely different kid from a year ago. Amazing.
But, there are more stumbling blocks. He struggles with the whole theory of mind thing. For those of you who don't know what that is, when they commonly test a kid for autism they do a theory of mind test. They ask the child to come into a room with a parent. A therapist shows the parent a toy and sets it on a chair. Then the parent is asked to leave the room. Then, in the child's presence, the therapist hides the toy under a pillow or something. The therapist then asks the child "Where will Mommy look for the toy when she returns?" A kid on the autism spectrum will say "under the pillow". A typical kid will say "on the chair" That's theory of mind. Understanding that other people see, hear, and feel different things than you do. Well, Orion still doesn't quite understand that. He understands your immediate mood such as anger, happiness, etc. But he doesn't understand that you aren't always seeing or experiencing what he is. It comes up frequently in our daily lives and can light the fire for many a tantrums but we are slowly breaking through that. I hope by next year that will be another triumph of Orion's. Until then, we will play lots of battleship!
Orion's other struggles are with physical limitations. He still struggles with gross and fine motor skills. But, and this is a big but (thankfully not a big butt!), he finally mastered potty training before his 5th birthday. We never thought we'd see the day. We had tried every method known to man...the Dr Phil potty party, dolls, social stories, reward charts. You name it, we tried it. Then our Occupational Therapist suggested we try something called therapeutic listening. It's a listening program of CD's that play music or animal sounds that suddenly have boosts or dips in certain frequency ranges. It's totally random. I was a skeptic but a desperate skeptic. At that point I was willing to hop on one foot an cackle like a chicken every day for hours if it meant he'd have potty success. So, we got on board and he started listening to these CD's every day at breakfast and dinner time. Within less than a week he was completely potty trained. I was shocked. I am now a believer. The theory is that his interoceptive sense (the one that tells you you are hot or cold, hungry or full, or you need to empty your bladder/bowels) was impaired. And somehow this listening program rearranged his brain to be tuned in to his interoceptive sense. You can probably sense that I have no idea what I'm talking about. Regardless, it works and we are again amazed!
I can't help but think that God has put all of the right people in our path to lead us down this road of recovery. The instances of this are staggering. Starting with our reluctant move to Olympia, our new pediatrician that first suggested we have him analyzed by an occupational therapist at age 2, his OT, his ST, and countless others. It's all God and it's all amazing.
I'm not an overtly evangelistic person. I've always been a bit timid about sharing my faith. But, when a the special education director from his school district mentioned that she had never seen a change in any kid like the change she'd seen in Orion and asked what it was we had done to make that happen, I knew what my answer had to be. I told her it was God. I told her that we have so many friends praying for our son and that prayer is powerful. I think she wanted me to credit it to therapy or a change of diet. And I'm sure all of those things are a factor. But, the biggest factor is God. I truly believe that.
Anyway, I will end with a picture of Orion fully enjoying the snow this December. I can't wait to see where he'll be a year from now. The possibilities are endless!
All of my previous posts seem to have a consistent theme - trauma. But today's will have a new theme - triumph! Orion has changed. He has really, profoundly changed.
This December we had snow. Not just a dusting, but blizzard like snow. In previous years Orion hated snow. And until this year he was unable to articulate what he hated about it because he couldn't answer who, what, when, where, why and how questions. This is a common difficulty with kids on the autism spectrum. But eventually we got wise and discovered it was the brightness that he didn't like. Snow is dang bright, but to the average person it's tolerable. To the kid on the autism spectrum, it's downright painful. So, when it used to snow we'd be forced to close the curtains and ignore it. Forget going out in it. That was not an option. Orion would just cry and flail around if you tried that. So, we hid inside in our dark hole of a house.
So when the forecast called for snow, and lots of it, I was prepared to become a bat for a while and live in darkness again. But, as John and I unpacked all the snow clothes Orion seemed curious. And since John was home we had two adults to manage the possible tantrum that could ensue if we got him out there and he hated it. Well, he agreed to venture out and he actually loved it! Now it may have helped that his little brother suited up and wanted to go out in it too. But regardless...this is a milestone of epic proportion for Orion. He is building coping mechanisms and self-regulating better these days than I've ever seen him. What a blessing. He's becoming much like a regular kid and actually enjoying "kid" things.
My heart is soaring thinking about it. All I've ever wanted was for him to be content in his own skin. Not for him to be a genius, or popular, or athletic, or anything else someone might aspire for their kids to be. No. I just want contentment in him. He's finally getting it and it makes me so happy.
Beyond the snow he's made other huge leaps. Last year his receptive language was that of a 2 1/2 year old's according to his speech therapist. This year his receptive language is that of a 5 year old...his actual age. He can understand and answer all the "wh and h" questions. He can perceive your mood from your facial expressions. He is considerate of your feelings. He has blossomed in the social and language area to the point that he is an entirely different kid from a year ago. Amazing.
But, there are more stumbling blocks. He struggles with the whole theory of mind thing. For those of you who don't know what that is, when they commonly test a kid for autism they do a theory of mind test. They ask the child to come into a room with a parent. A therapist shows the parent a toy and sets it on a chair. Then the parent is asked to leave the room. Then, in the child's presence, the therapist hides the toy under a pillow or something. The therapist then asks the child "Where will Mommy look for the toy when she returns?" A kid on the autism spectrum will say "under the pillow". A typical kid will say "on the chair" That's theory of mind. Understanding that other people see, hear, and feel different things than you do. Well, Orion still doesn't quite understand that. He understands your immediate mood such as anger, happiness, etc. But he doesn't understand that you aren't always seeing or experiencing what he is. It comes up frequently in our daily lives and can light the fire for many a tantrums but we are slowly breaking through that. I hope by next year that will be another triumph of Orion's. Until then, we will play lots of battleship!
Orion's other struggles are with physical limitations. He still struggles with gross and fine motor skills. But, and this is a big but (thankfully not a big butt!), he finally mastered potty training before his 5th birthday. We never thought we'd see the day. We had tried every method known to man...the Dr Phil potty party, dolls, social stories, reward charts. You name it, we tried it. Then our Occupational Therapist suggested we try something called therapeutic listening. It's a listening program of CD's that play music or animal sounds that suddenly have boosts or dips in certain frequency ranges. It's totally random. I was a skeptic but a desperate skeptic. At that point I was willing to hop on one foot an cackle like a chicken every day for hours if it meant he'd have potty success. So, we got on board and he started listening to these CD's every day at breakfast and dinner time. Within less than a week he was completely potty trained. I was shocked. I am now a believer. The theory is that his interoceptive sense (the one that tells you you are hot or cold, hungry or full, or you need to empty your bladder/bowels) was impaired. And somehow this listening program rearranged his brain to be tuned in to his interoceptive sense. You can probably sense that I have no idea what I'm talking about. Regardless, it works and we are again amazed!
I can't help but think that God has put all of the right people in our path to lead us down this road of recovery. The instances of this are staggering. Starting with our reluctant move to Olympia, our new pediatrician that first suggested we have him analyzed by an occupational therapist at age 2, his OT, his ST, and countless others. It's all God and it's all amazing.
I'm not an overtly evangelistic person. I've always been a bit timid about sharing my faith. But, when a the special education director from his school district mentioned that she had never seen a change in any kid like the change she'd seen in Orion and asked what it was we had done to make that happen, I knew what my answer had to be. I told her it was God. I told her that we have so many friends praying for our son and that prayer is powerful. I think she wanted me to credit it to therapy or a change of diet. And I'm sure all of those things are a factor. But, the biggest factor is God. I truly believe that.
Anyway, I will end with a picture of Orion fully enjoying the snow this December. I can't wait to see where he'll be a year from now. The possibilities are endless!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
EXPLOSIVE DEFIANCE
Orion had a particularly bad day. My goodness. It pains me to even recount but I'm sure it won't read nearly as bad as it was. Written down they always sound like regular tantrums. But in person, most people would think "Man, that kid is beyond crazy and needs to be sedated."
It started out as a regular day. Orion woke up at around 7:00 AM and came into our room to play computer while I (Mommy) attempted to sleep. He happily played Charlie and Lola for a bit until he wanted to crawl into the bed with me and snuggle. We briefly watched some TV that he was bored by so we went downstairs for breakfast.
After breakfast, Orion was obsessively cutting out little squares of paper and coloring on them. He has been doing this for about a week now and can't stop himself. He makes little story books or sometimes mini greeting cards. Sometimes he cuts out little post cards. It seems harmless and good for building fine motor skills so we have allowed him to continue. But we did think it was starting to become more of an obsession rather than play time. He would do it all day if allowed.
It was nearing the time that we needed to leave for church so John got some clothes for Orion and put them on him. Orion was annoyed about being distracted from his mini paper projects but he tolerated it. But then John realized that the shirt was too small and didn't look good on Orion so he returned with a new shirt and sweater. He tried to tell Orion he was going to change his shirt again and Orion just flipped out. He started screaming, hitting, flailing. He was out-of-control and there was no reeling him back in. John tried restraining him to no avail. He tried a quick spanking. No effect. The tantrum continued to escalate and we soon knew that church was no longer an option. John then took Orion upstairs to his bedroom to cool off, as per my suggestions. He held the door shut while Orion tore around the room causing a huge fuss. It continued for at least 10 minutes but he eventually calmed down after John repeatedly checked on him and placed him in the blue chair in his room. He came downstairs and we loaded everyone in the car because we had already told Orion we were going to the car. Follow through is very important. But without our childcare worker, who has quit due to personal issues, we were unable to force him to go to church.
So, that was the morning meltdown. It was a mild one compared to what was to come later in the afternoon.
It was about 3:30pm and Orion was playing with Lincoln Logs contently on the floor. Then he told me that he wanted to play computer and he wanted me to watch him. So, I agreed but told him he needed to pick up the Lincoln Logs. He reluctantly agreed and started the task. But he kept losing focus. I kept returning and saying "Orion, before we can play computer you need to pick up the Lincoln Logs". He started and stopped repeatedly for about 30 minutes until I jumped in and said I'd help him. I told him that I'd pick up equal amounts as he did. If he put 2 in the box I'd put 2 in the box. We started the clean-up but then Orion picked up the box and dumped all of the Lincoln Logs out on the floor in frustration. I told him that I was not going to help him pick-up anymore. He made the mess and he was to clean it. He refused. He screamed "NO. I DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP THE LINCOLN LOGS. YOU DO IT (pointing at me)" John walked in during this and reprimanded Orion for talking to Mommy so rudely and demanded an apology. Orion didn't apologize and didn't pick up. Thus the war began.
Orion proceeded to scream, kick, hit, throw, and generally be non-compliant about clean-up. Each time he tried to leave the room or area I swiftly brought him back to the rug for clean-up. Each time I did he got more and more angry. I told him calmly and nicely that this all could end if he just picked up the Lincoln Logs. He continued to kick and scream and be defiant for another HOUR AND A HALF! I remained as calm as possible and even tried to quietly encourage him with words like "You can do it, Orion. I know you can. You can pick these up. You are good at picking up Lincoln Logs. Give it a try." He didn't care. A few times he broke down crying and sobbing and said it was too hard. I comforted him with my words and said "I know it is Buddy. But you can do it." He wanted me to hug or hold him but I refused. That would have been a reward and he was to have no reward until the task was complete. He cycled in and out of sobbing, screeching at the top of his lungs insults and demands, and zoning out on the floor.
Finally I had had enough of it. I needed to put an end to it. I gave him an ultimatum. I set thirty minutes on his visual timer and also the egg timer and told him he needed to have the Lincoln Logs cleaned up by then or I would put them in the trash. He argued. "NO MOMMY! DON'T PUT THEM IN THE TRASH. NO!!!!". But still, he was not moved to action. Then when there was about 15 minutes left he started to pick some up. John and I applauded and told him he was doing such a good job. But then he stopped and started more refusal. I warned him as the minutes ticked by. Still he refused. Finally the time had lapsed and I was forced to follow through. I put all of the Lincoln Logs (which took me less than one minute to pick up and we'd been doing this for a total of 2 hours now!) in a trash bag, put my shoes on, and headed out to the trash bin with them. Orion was distraught. He tried to go outside but we stopped him. He cried and said he wanted them back. I held him and told him I was very sorry but this was the choice he made. I think he really thought if he cried enough we'd bring back the Lincoln Logs. We did not.
He ate dinner, played computer, took a bath, read some books, and went to bed nicely with no mention of the Lincoln Logs. But the next morning he asked where the Lincoln Logs were and I said "I'm sorry Buddy, they are gone". He was sad but just whined a little and started making more mini greeting cards.
Lesson learned? One can never tell with Orion.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
MELTDOWN MYSTERIES, DARKNESS, AND FLOATING POOP!
Every so often Orion has a meltdown of epic proportions. When it's all over I try to relive the entire event in my mind to pinpoint what the possible trigger for the meltdown could have been.
Today we had an example of an epic meltdown.
The beginning of the day was fine. Orion colored after breakfast. Then as Oliver napped I decided not to clean the house and to give Orion my undivided attention. We played Peggy Back game for a while and then moved on to tea party. We had fun pretending to use a fake microwave and refrigerator to warm or cool down our fake beverages. Orion was very interactive and happy. I had to do some fancy footwork to get him to transition from tea party to lunch time but he agreed once I told him he could have popcorn with his lunch.
Then he quite easily got ready for school and off he went.
The after school events were an entirely different dynamic. He, oddly, didn't seem to mind me whisking him off to the potty as soon as he arrived in the house. Usually he screams about that. Then he ate his snack, a crispy rice bar and juice while he watched Buster.
After snack he looked out the window and saw the sun going down and everything unraveled. Here is what basically transpired.....
The scene:
It starts to get dark outside at around 5PM and Orion notices.
The dialog:
Orion: "It's not nighttime Mommy" (whining)
Mommy: "No, not yet. But it will be soon" (calmly)
Orion: "No it won't be. It's not nighttime Mommy!!!"(whining loudly)
Mommy: "Okay Orion" (still calm)
Orion: "Mommy it's not nighttime. I say no nighttime. It's daytime. It's not nighttime Mommy!!!!" (screaming)
Mommy: "Why don't we play tea party?" (trying to distract)
Orion: "NO!, I say no tea party. It's not nighttime Mommy!!!! NO! NO! NO!" (screeching at top of lungs-distraction didn't work)
Mommy: "Well, don't worry. It will be daytime again soon. You'll eat dinner, go to bed, sleep, and wake up and it will be daytime again"
Orion: "No, I don't want to go to bed. I don't have to go to bed. I'm not tired Mommy. It's not nighttime Mommy. I say no dinner."
Mommy: "Fine" (younger brother is now crying frantically from all the fuss, Mommy goes to rock him)
Orion: "Put Oliver back Mommy. Don't rock him. You put him back!" (demanding in a screaming tone)
Mommy: "He's tired. He needs a nap"
Orion: "No, I'm not tired. It's not time for bed" (totally misunderstands!)
Mommy: "Maybe you might like a bath. Do you want to take a bath Orion"
Orion: "No, it's not time for bed. I said no dinner. I said no bath!!!!"
Mommy: "Well, I'm gonna give Oliver a bath to calm him down" (Mommy runs bath water while Oliver frantically cries)
Orion: (carefully observing yet still whining) "I want a bath. I said yes bath"
Mommy: "How about you eat dinner first and then take a bath"
Orion: "Okay" (plays with tea party by himself. gets frustrated and dumps toys out all over the room. throws toys)
Orion: (looking out window and seeing the dark again) NO! NO! NO! It's not nighttime Mommy. I don't want nighttime" (screaming. The calm bath for Oliver is destroyed and he begins his frantic cry again)
Mommy: "Well don't tell me. Tell God. He makes the day and night. If you've got a problem with it then tell God"
Orion: "No!" (runs up and hits Oliver completely unprompted. Oliver is now REALLY crying!)
Mommy: "NO. Don't EVER hit Oliver. Say you are sorry" (firm tone)
Orion: "NO!" (hits Mommy)
Mommy: (restraining Orion who is now kicking while Oliver cries in the playpen) "No kicking or hitting. You are being very mean to Mommy and Oliver. You are making Mommy and Oliver sad"
Orion: "Waaaah. Aaaaah. Yooooow. I said NO NIGHTTIME!"
Mommy: "Okay, let's calm down. Do you want to watch Thomas video?" (resorting to distraction/bribery just because Mommy needs desperately to pump and take care of poor baby Oliver's needs.)
Orion: "NO!"
Mommy: "How about Charlie Brown?"
Orion: "No!"
Mommy: "Okay, fine"
Orion: (looks longingly at blank TV screen) "I said yes Charlie Brown!!!" (screaming again.)
Mommy: "I'll go get the video. Why don't you lie down on the bed"
Orion: "No nighttime. Aaaaaaaah!!!!!" (screams and throws stuff around the room completely out of control)
Mommy: "Are you feeling sick?"
Orion: "Yes"
Mommy: "Why don't you rest"
Orion: "NO!" runs over to playpen and hits Oliver
Mommy: (extremely mad now) "Stop. That's enough. Say you are sorry" (firm)
Orion: "NO! NO NIGHTTIME, AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (screaming, kicking, fighting, throwing, the works!)
Mommy: (decides to call prayer warrior friends) "I'm calling Carol to tell her about your behavior"
Orion: (looking startled) "No Mommy. Don't call Carol. Don't call Carol. Don't call Carol. DON'T........CALL......CAROL!!!!!" (fights Mommy for phone. Gets it out of her hand because she is holding crying Oliver. Forcefully throws phone on the floor, breaking it)
Mommy: (reaching for spare phone) "You broke the phone Orion. Daddy is going to be very upset. I am calling Carol now"
Orion: "NO!!!!!!! AHHHHH! " (random screaming at top of lungs continues while he tries to rip the phone from Mommy. Mommy has a good grip this time and calls in her prayer request. Not sure if they heard her over the yelling but she figures they get the idea that there is distress in her home. Hopefully Carol has caller ID and knows it's us)
Mommy: "I told Dustin you were not behaving"
Orion: "NO! Don't call Dustin" (looks at broken phone on floor and points) "I BROKE THIS STUFF!!!I BROKE THIS STUFF!!! I BROKE THIS STUFF!!!"
Mommy: "Yep, you sure did. That was very bad" (firm, bothered tone)
Orion: (goes into other room and dumps out tea party toy box - kicks toys around room)
Mommy: (drags Orion over to toy box) "You need to pick up all of those toys Orion. Right now!"
Orion: "No!"
Mommy: (puts poor crying Ollie back in playpen. Muscles Orion over to toys. Puts her hands over his and makes him pick up the toys with his hands)
Orion: "I say NO!" (as soon as toys are put away he picks up the box and dumps them out again. Mommy repeats pickup routine with Orion 3 more times)
Oliver: (playing with TV remote somehow turns on Charlie Brown video)
Orion: (distracted by Charlie Brown video goes over to bed and lies down with pooh blanket) "I'm going to bed"
Mommy: "Good idea"
The closing scene:
Mommy proceeds to fix dinner for both boys and feed them. Puts Orion in bath afterwards. Orion sits there until he's shriveled like a prune and Mommy insists he gets out. Orion throws a fit and then poops in the tub. Mommy loses her mind. Mommy takes Orion out of bath and screams. She tells him to sit on the potty and not touch anything. Daddy arrives home to this chaos. Oliver is crying, Mommy is screaming, Orion is naked on the toilet, and there is floating poop. Mommy charges upstairs to find bleach cleaning stuff. Mommy sanitizes everything and gives Orion a second bath. Orion calms down and is nice the rest of the evening. Mommy decides that she will fill out the paperwork for the child psychaitrist soon...and she might need to see one for herself too!
Today we had an example of an epic meltdown.
The beginning of the day was fine. Orion colored after breakfast. Then as Oliver napped I decided not to clean the house and to give Orion my undivided attention. We played Peggy Back game for a while and then moved on to tea party. We had fun pretending to use a fake microwave and refrigerator to warm or cool down our fake beverages. Orion was very interactive and happy. I had to do some fancy footwork to get him to transition from tea party to lunch time but he agreed once I told him he could have popcorn with his lunch.
Then he quite easily got ready for school and off he went.
The after school events were an entirely different dynamic. He, oddly, didn't seem to mind me whisking him off to the potty as soon as he arrived in the house. Usually he screams about that. Then he ate his snack, a crispy rice bar and juice while he watched Buster.
After snack he looked out the window and saw the sun going down and everything unraveled. Here is what basically transpired.....
The scene:
It starts to get dark outside at around 5PM and Orion notices.
The dialog:
Orion: "It's not nighttime Mommy" (whining)
Mommy: "No, not yet. But it will be soon" (calmly)
Orion: "No it won't be. It's not nighttime Mommy!!!"(whining loudly)
Mommy: "Okay Orion" (still calm)
Orion: "Mommy it's not nighttime. I say no nighttime. It's daytime. It's not nighttime Mommy!!!!" (screaming)
Mommy: "Why don't we play tea party?" (trying to distract)
Orion: "NO!, I say no tea party. It's not nighttime Mommy!!!! NO! NO! NO!" (screeching at top of lungs-distraction didn't work)
Mommy: "Well, don't worry. It will be daytime again soon. You'll eat dinner, go to bed, sleep, and wake up and it will be daytime again"
Orion: "No, I don't want to go to bed. I don't have to go to bed. I'm not tired Mommy. It's not nighttime Mommy. I say no dinner."
Mommy: "Fine" (younger brother is now crying frantically from all the fuss, Mommy goes to rock him)
Orion: "Put Oliver back Mommy. Don't rock him. You put him back!" (demanding in a screaming tone)
Mommy: "He's tired. He needs a nap"
Orion: "No, I'm not tired. It's not time for bed" (totally misunderstands!)
Mommy: "Maybe you might like a bath. Do you want to take a bath Orion"
Orion: "No, it's not time for bed. I said no dinner. I said no bath!!!!"
Mommy: "Well, I'm gonna give Oliver a bath to calm him down" (Mommy runs bath water while Oliver frantically cries)
Orion: (carefully observing yet still whining) "I want a bath. I said yes bath"
Mommy: "How about you eat dinner first and then take a bath"
Orion: "Okay" (plays with tea party by himself. gets frustrated and dumps toys out all over the room. throws toys)
Orion: (looking out window and seeing the dark again) NO! NO! NO! It's not nighttime Mommy. I don't want nighttime" (screaming. The calm bath for Oliver is destroyed and he begins his frantic cry again)
Mommy: "Well don't tell me. Tell God. He makes the day and night. If you've got a problem with it then tell God"
Orion: "No!" (runs up and hits Oliver completely unprompted. Oliver is now REALLY crying!)
Mommy: "NO. Don't EVER hit Oliver. Say you are sorry" (firm tone)
Orion: "NO!" (hits Mommy)
Mommy: (restraining Orion who is now kicking while Oliver cries in the playpen) "No kicking or hitting. You are being very mean to Mommy and Oliver. You are making Mommy and Oliver sad"
Orion: "Waaaah. Aaaaah. Yooooow. I said NO NIGHTTIME!"
Mommy: "Okay, let's calm down. Do you want to watch Thomas video?" (resorting to distraction/bribery just because Mommy needs desperately to pump and take care of poor baby Oliver's needs.)
Orion: "NO!"
Mommy: "How about Charlie Brown?"
Orion: "No!"
Mommy: "Okay, fine"
Orion: (looks longingly at blank TV screen) "I said yes Charlie Brown!!!" (screaming again.)
Mommy: "I'll go get the video. Why don't you lie down on the bed"
Orion: "No nighttime. Aaaaaaaah!!!!!" (screams and throws stuff around the room completely out of control)
Mommy: "Are you feeling sick?"
Orion: "Yes"
Mommy: "Why don't you rest"
Orion: "NO!" runs over to playpen and hits Oliver
Mommy: (extremely mad now) "Stop. That's enough. Say you are sorry" (firm)
Orion: "NO! NO NIGHTTIME, AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (screaming, kicking, fighting, throwing, the works!)
Mommy: (decides to call prayer warrior friends) "I'm calling Carol to tell her about your behavior"
Orion: (looking startled) "No Mommy. Don't call Carol. Don't call Carol. Don't call Carol. DON'T........CALL......CAROL!!!!!" (fights Mommy for phone. Gets it out of her hand because she is holding crying Oliver. Forcefully throws phone on the floor, breaking it)
Mommy: (reaching for spare phone) "You broke the phone Orion. Daddy is going to be very upset. I am calling Carol now"
Orion: "NO!!!!!!! AHHHHH! " (random screaming at top of lungs continues while he tries to rip the phone from Mommy. Mommy has a good grip this time and calls in her prayer request. Not sure if they heard her over the yelling but she figures they get the idea that there is distress in her home. Hopefully Carol has caller ID and knows it's us)
Mommy: "I told Dustin you were not behaving"
Orion: "NO! Don't call Dustin" (looks at broken phone on floor and points) "I BROKE THIS STUFF!!!I BROKE THIS STUFF!!! I BROKE THIS STUFF!!!"
Mommy: "Yep, you sure did. That was very bad" (firm, bothered tone)
Orion: (goes into other room and dumps out tea party toy box - kicks toys around room)
Mommy: (drags Orion over to toy box) "You need to pick up all of those toys Orion. Right now!"
Orion: "No!"
Mommy: (puts poor crying Ollie back in playpen. Muscles Orion over to toys. Puts her hands over his and makes him pick up the toys with his hands)
Orion: "I say NO!" (as soon as toys are put away he picks up the box and dumps them out again. Mommy repeats pickup routine with Orion 3 more times)
Oliver: (playing with TV remote somehow turns on Charlie Brown video)
Orion: (distracted by Charlie Brown video goes over to bed and lies down with pooh blanket) "I'm going to bed"
Mommy: "Good idea"
The closing scene:
Mommy proceeds to fix dinner for both boys and feed them. Puts Orion in bath afterwards. Orion sits there until he's shriveled like a prune and Mommy insists he gets out. Orion throws a fit and then poops in the tub. Mommy loses her mind. Mommy takes Orion out of bath and screams. She tells him to sit on the potty and not touch anything. Daddy arrives home to this chaos. Oliver is crying, Mommy is screaming, Orion is naked on the toilet, and there is floating poop. Mommy charges upstairs to find bleach cleaning stuff. Mommy sanitizes everything and gives Orion a second bath. Orion calms down and is nice the rest of the evening. Mommy decides that she will fill out the paperwork for the child psychaitrist soon...and she might need to see one for herself too!
Saturday, October 6, 2007
IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING, ORION IS SCREAMING!
PREVIOUSIt was a dreary and rainy day in Olympia. We were all a bit groggy and feeling slightly under the weather but needed to get out of the house for a spell. So, we decided to go to Tumwater Falls to see the Salmon hatchery. This was a seemingly simple family outing. Seemingly being the key word.
It was raining buckets by the time we were ready to depart and I dug out my serious rain slicker that I bought years ago in NYC for down pours just like this. Upon inspection of Orion's regular coat I decided that he needed something a bit more weatherproof. I dug out a rain coat that we bought for him a while back. It was a simple, rubber-like coat. The typical rain coat you see with matching boots for kids. Nothing odd. Nothing itchy or stinky (to our knowledge).
We told Orion "Let's go see the jumping fish". And he said "Okay Mommy" with glee and wonderment. Then I said "Let's put on your new rain coat". Suddenly the world fell apart. "No, I said no rain coat Mommy!" "How about this coat?" he says holding up the usual, barely water-resistant one. "No honey, it's raining too hard for that coat. This is a lovely blue coat. Let's have you wear this one". "NO!" he demands. "I don't want to see fish. I don't want rain coat. I say no outside".
Okay...now we have been told that we need to stand our ground once we've announced we are doing something. Follow through is immensely important or else what we say holds no value. John and I lock eyes and realize we are in it and we aren't backing down. Yes, it's inconsequential whether we see the fish or not. But our parenting skills are at risk here so we must forge ahead.
I wrestle with getting Ollie in his coat and strapped into his car seat. He starts crying a bit complicating our brains. Now we have both kids fussing but Orion is clearly the louder, more insistent one.
I then zip Orion into his coat while he squirms, screams, unzips, and wriggles out. I persist. He persists. I persist. He persists. The coat comes on and off numerous times. Finally I muscle him into the coat, scoop him up while restraining him, announce to John that I'm taking Orion to the minivan and whisk him out the door. He screams the whole walk from house to driveway. Certainly the neighbors can hear, but at this point they should know full well about the madness and noise in our home. I try and ignore it.
I force Orion into his car seat. In the midst of this John appears with Oliver. I beckon for his help in strapping our fighting child into his seat. Then off we go. Orion is still screaming and kicking as we pull out of the driveway. Ollie is crying in his car seat too. There is nothing but noise and chaos. John says "Where are we going?" and I blurt out "Oh just drive!"
We drive. Orion says "I SAY NO COAT. I WANT NO COAT. TAKE IT OFF!!!!". I, in the calmest and most chipper voice I can muster repeat over and over to him "It's okay honey. Oh it's okay". We drive in circles within a mile radius of our house hoping the drive will calm him. It does not. We drive further. Still no calm.
Finally it's so out of control that we must address Orion's crazed behavior. John shouts "STOP", Orion persists with yelling. John announces calmly that if Orion doesn't stop we will pull the van over and he will get a spanking. Orion decides to see if he means business and screams LOUDER. John pulls over, turns around calmly, and spanks Orion on the thigh. We couldn't unstrap him at this juncture because we'd never get him back in the car seat so the thigh is the only spanking option. Orion pouts at the sting of the spanking but persists...slightly quieter. John warns again of another spanking if the yelling continues. Orion continues. A second spanking to the thigh is administered. John asks if he wants another and Orion pouts but says "No". Now he is quieter in his seat but still doing the dry heave, wimper cry. We ask if he wants to take a big breath (a calming technique we use with him) and he says yes. We all take deep breaths together. Orion asks for more breaths so we take more.
He starts to calm down and we both excitedly praise him for his quietness and calm. "Good job Orion. Good job being quiet. We are so proud of you". Orion says in a calm and quiet voice "But I want to take the coat off". I say "Yes, honey...I know. When we get home we can take it off. But first we are going to see the jumping fish. Do you want to see the fish". "No Mommy, I want to go home. I want to take it off." Orion begs. "Well, we aren't going home until we see the fish. You can stay in the car or you can get out and see the fish but only if you are quiet." I say.
John then asks if I have any bribes in my purse. Digging, I find some swedish fish. Halloween candy that didn't quite make it to halloween. How appropriate...a fish reward for seeing the jumping fish...as if we planned it that way.
"Orion, if you are a good boy, if you are quiet, no screaming or crying when we see the fish, you can have a special red fish when we get back in the car" I dangle the red candy within view. "I want special red fish Mommy". "Okay honey, let's go see the jumping fish. Then if you have been good, once we are back in the car you can have the special red fish." "Okay Mommy".
We unload and puddle jump our way over to the fish hatchery. The salmon are huge. They jump and twist before our eyes and Orion loves it. He laughs and jumps excitedly, completely forgetting about the dreaded rain coat he is wearing. A man approaches offering us special 3D glasses to view the fish. We take them and he begins to inform us all about the Chinook Salmon. He has a parks department jacket so he's not just some random dude with fish knowledge. We listen in the cold rain and finally decide it's too darn cold for us sickies to be out in this blustery weather. We hop back to the car while promising the special red fish in order to coax Orion into leaving.
Once in the car he gets the special red fish and chews it with glee. "I want more special red fish Mommy" he says. "Well, when we get home, if you are still quiet and calm you can have another". "Okay Mommy" he says in his chipper voice. Then in a quiet voice he says "But I want to take the rain coat off. I want to take it off Mommy. Can I take the rain coat off? I want to take it off Mommy. I said no rain coat. I want to take it off". he pleads. "Orion" I say sternly "You better be quiet or there will be no more special red fish. You can take off the jacket when we get home". "Okay Mommy. But I want to take it off" he says persistently. Uhhhh...really??? Hmmm...I can't remember...did he mention that before??? (sarcasm).
We make it home. Orion skips back to the house, down the sidewalk, holding Mommy's hand. We don't know when we will take out the dreaded rain coat again but we suspect we will do it again soon. It's all about who's in control and we want that to be us!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
CAUSING A SCENE AT CHURCH!
NEXT
Since this is my first post on this new blog I feel like I should explain. I created this blog because it's the real, raw truth about raising a kid on the autism spectrum and also an infant with health issues (Laryngomalacia).
In our main blog (www.orionandollie.com) I show cute pictures with short, happy tails of life. I don't want to alarm anyone too much. It's all neatly tied up with a bow to please elderly relatives and easily offended people. But this blog is for the real truth. The unedited tails of trauma and triumph in parenting our kids. It will likely be cathartic for me and help me keep tabs on where we once were and how far we've come.
So...lets start with today! Today is Sunday and we got ready for our afternoon church service as usual. Orion has a special helper at church, Motorcycle Bob. He is a volunteer that raised two foster kids with autism. He also is a former special ed. teacher so he can handle all that Orion can dish out...we hope!
This morning Orion started in on the protests very early. Shortly after breakfast I said something to John about changing Oliver's outfit to get him ready for church. As soon as Orion heard the word "church" he started saying. "We're not going to church, I say no church, first we play cars, then we go to store. I say no church". He's really into this picture schedule thing we do. He likes to know what's happening and in what order. So, he thought maybe he'd suggest his way out of the church idea. Well, it wasn't working.
Also, let me mention that this past week we started an intensive therapy called ABA. That stands for Applied Behavior Analysis. This therapy really pushes Orion and basically we try to get him to submit to authority and to control his tantrums and out-of-control anxieties. Well, it's all about Orion knowing that he must do as told and that he won't die from what he's required to do. So....the church thing was no exception.
He continued to follow me around the house barking orders at me and ramping up his tantrum as I tried to get ready for church. I could not think clearly and it was hard to get ready. I couldn't find a hairbrush or comb anywhere but I wasn't going to let that deter me from my mission. I combed my hair with a fork! Yep, what do I care? Our mission is not to look good. It's to get Orion to church to show him that his tantrums will not control our lives. So, I improvised, adapted, and overcame...as John would say.
We got Orion in the minivan and strapped in. He protested the whole drive. He even tried doing it our way by using a happy voice in protesting. "Mommy...how 'bout no church, how 'bout we go to the store" with a happy little upturn in his voice. Then he tried the 'my basic needs are being denied' tactic. "Mommy, Orion wants to take a nap. No church Mommy. Orion wants to take a nap". As we got closer and closer to the church the niceness turned to whining. Then the whining turned to yelling. Once we pulled into the parking lot the yelling turned to yelling, throwing, kicking, and flailing.
We ignored it all. John and I put on a united front. We agreed that I would take Orion in the door because he sometimes is nicer with Mommy. I muscled him out of the car seat with much protest. With the minivan door open everyone within a one mile radius could hear his screaming. Everyone stared. Some people glared. We ignored it.
I held Orion's arms and legs so that he could not injure me too much on the approach to the front door. He managed to get in a few good hair pulls but nothing that won't grow back. People were all gathered in the foyer of the church waiting to get seated. They all stared. I don't blame them. How could you not stare? He was screeching at the TOP of his lungs as if we were burning him with a hot poker. I whisked him past everyone into the child care area and found Motorcycle Bob. He looked at me with a sympathetic smile as if to say..."I've been there before".
"Tough morning?" Bob said. "Oh he's been this way since long before we got in the door" I say. Then I beg him to take Orion outside to the play toys to cool off even though it's raining. He agrees and John, Oliver and I vanish to church as quickly as possible.
At the end of church we return to the child care room to find a calm Orion stuffing a graham cracker in his face. Aarrggg! Orion is on a strict gluten free / casein free diet which I had explained to the child care but it must have slipped past them. (no wheat or dairy) It's called a GFCF diet and many kids on the autism spectrum are on it because they have allergies and tend to focus and behave better on this diet. We don't know if Orion has allergies but are just trying the diet as an experiment. Anyway, it didn't seem that he self-destructed after the graham cracker so we hope it's okay.
So...that was our morning. Thankfully Oliver slept through the whole church service and was calm throughout the rest of the morning.
Now they are both napping and we are cleaning and getting ready for upcoming homegroup.
That's our true story for today! More later.
Since this is my first post on this new blog I feel like I should explain. I created this blog because it's the real, raw truth about raising a kid on the autism spectrum and also an infant with health issues (Laryngomalacia).
In our main blog (www.orionandollie.com) I show cute pictures with short, happy tails of life. I don't want to alarm anyone too much. It's all neatly tied up with a bow to please elderly relatives and easily offended people. But this blog is for the real truth. The unedited tails of trauma and triumph in parenting our kids. It will likely be cathartic for me and help me keep tabs on where we once were and how far we've come.
So...lets start with today! Today is Sunday and we got ready for our afternoon church service as usual. Orion has a special helper at church, Motorcycle Bob. He is a volunteer that raised two foster kids with autism. He also is a former special ed. teacher so he can handle all that Orion can dish out...we hope!
This morning Orion started in on the protests very early. Shortly after breakfast I said something to John about changing Oliver's outfit to get him ready for church. As soon as Orion heard the word "church" he started saying. "We're not going to church, I say no church, first we play cars, then we go to store. I say no church". He's really into this picture schedule thing we do. He likes to know what's happening and in what order. So, he thought maybe he'd suggest his way out of the church idea. Well, it wasn't working.
Also, let me mention that this past week we started an intensive therapy called ABA. That stands for Applied Behavior Analysis. This therapy really pushes Orion and basically we try to get him to submit to authority and to control his tantrums and out-of-control anxieties. Well, it's all about Orion knowing that he must do as told and that he won't die from what he's required to do. So....the church thing was no exception.
He continued to follow me around the house barking orders at me and ramping up his tantrum as I tried to get ready for church. I could not think clearly and it was hard to get ready. I couldn't find a hairbrush or comb anywhere but I wasn't going to let that deter me from my mission. I combed my hair with a fork! Yep, what do I care? Our mission is not to look good. It's to get Orion to church to show him that his tantrums will not control our lives. So, I improvised, adapted, and overcame...as John would say.
We got Orion in the minivan and strapped in. He protested the whole drive. He even tried doing it our way by using a happy voice in protesting. "Mommy...how 'bout no church, how 'bout we go to the store" with a happy little upturn in his voice. Then he tried the 'my basic needs are being denied' tactic. "Mommy, Orion wants to take a nap. No church Mommy. Orion wants to take a nap". As we got closer and closer to the church the niceness turned to whining. Then the whining turned to yelling. Once we pulled into the parking lot the yelling turned to yelling, throwing, kicking, and flailing.
We ignored it all. John and I put on a united front. We agreed that I would take Orion in the door because he sometimes is nicer with Mommy. I muscled him out of the car seat with much protest. With the minivan door open everyone within a one mile radius could hear his screaming. Everyone stared. Some people glared. We ignored it.
I held Orion's arms and legs so that he could not injure me too much on the approach to the front door. He managed to get in a few good hair pulls but nothing that won't grow back. People were all gathered in the foyer of the church waiting to get seated. They all stared. I don't blame them. How could you not stare? He was screeching at the TOP of his lungs as if we were burning him with a hot poker. I whisked him past everyone into the child care area and found Motorcycle Bob. He looked at me with a sympathetic smile as if to say..."I've been there before".
"Tough morning?" Bob said. "Oh he's been this way since long before we got in the door" I say. Then I beg him to take Orion outside to the play toys to cool off even though it's raining. He agrees and John, Oliver and I vanish to church as quickly as possible.
At the end of church we return to the child care room to find a calm Orion stuffing a graham cracker in his face. Aarrggg! Orion is on a strict gluten free / casein free diet which I had explained to the child care but it must have slipped past them. (no wheat or dairy) It's called a GFCF diet and many kids on the autism spectrum are on it because they have allergies and tend to focus and behave better on this diet. We don't know if Orion has allergies but are just trying the diet as an experiment. Anyway, it didn't seem that he self-destructed after the graham cracker so we hope it's okay.
So...that was our morning. Thankfully Oliver slept through the whole church service and was calm throughout the rest of the morning.
Now they are both napping and we are cleaning and getting ready for upcoming homegroup.
That's our true story for today! More later.
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