MELTDOWN MYSTERIES, DARKNESS, AND FLOATING POOP!

Every so often Orion has a meltdown of epic proportions. When it's all over I try to relive the entire event in my mind to pinpoint what the possible trigger for the meltdown could have been.

Today we had an example of an epic meltdown.

The beginning of the day was fine. Orion colored after breakfast. Then as Oliver napped I decided not to clean the house and to give Orion my undivided attention. We played Peggy Back game for a while and then moved on to tea party. We had fun pretending to use a fake microwave and refrigerator to warm or cool down our fake beverages. Orion was very interactive and happy. I had to do some fancy footwork to get him to transition from tea party to lunch time but he agreed once I told him he could have popcorn with his lunch.

Then he quite easily got ready for school and off he went.

The after school events were an entirely different dynamic. He, oddly, didn't seem to mind me whisking him off to the potty as soon as he arrived in the house. Usually he screams about that. Then he ate his snack, a crispy rice bar and juice while he watched Buster.

After snack he looked out the window and saw the sun going down and everything unraveled. Here is what basically transpired.....


The scene:
It starts to get dark outside at around 5PM and Orion notices.

The dialog:
Orion: "It's not nighttime Mommy" (whining)
Mommy: "No, not yet. But it will be soon" (calmly)
Orion: "No it won't be. It's not nighttime Mommy!!!"(whining loudly)
Mommy: "Okay Orion" (still calm)
Orion: "Mommy it's not nighttime. I say no nighttime. It's daytime. It's not nighttime Mommy!!!!" (screaming)
Mommy: "Why don't we play tea party?" (trying to distract)
Orion: "NO!, I say no tea party. It's not nighttime Mommy!!!! NO! NO! NO!" (screeching at top of lungs-distraction didn't work)
Mommy: "Well, don't worry. It will be daytime again soon. You'll eat dinner, go to bed, sleep, and wake up and it will be daytime again"
Orion: "No, I don't want to go to bed. I don't have to go to bed. I'm not tired Mommy. It's not nighttime Mommy. I say no dinner."
Mommy: "Fine" (younger brother is now crying frantically from all the fuss, Mommy goes to rock him)
Orion: "Put Oliver back Mommy. Don't rock him. You put him back!" (demanding in a screaming tone)
Mommy: "He's tired. He needs a nap"
Orion: "No, I'm not tired. It's not time for bed" (totally misunderstands!)
Mommy: "Maybe you might like a bath. Do you want to take a bath Orion"
Orion: "No, it's not time for bed. I said no dinner. I said no bath!!!!"
Mommy: "Well, I'm gonna give Oliver a bath to calm him down" (Mommy runs bath water while Oliver frantically cries)
Orion: (carefully observing yet still whining) "I want a bath. I said yes bath"
Mommy: "How about you eat dinner first and then take a bath"
Orion: "Okay" (plays with tea party by himself. gets frustrated and dumps toys out all over the room. throws toys)
Orion: (looking out window and seeing the dark again) NO! NO! NO! It's not nighttime Mommy. I don't want nighttime" (screaming. The calm bath for Oliver is destroyed and he begins his frantic cry again)
Mommy: "Well don't tell me. Tell God. He makes the day and night. If you've got a problem with it then tell God"
Orion: "No!" (runs up and hits Oliver completely unprompted. Oliver is now REALLY crying!)
Mommy: "NO. Don't EVER hit Oliver. Say you are sorry" (firm tone)
Orion: "NO!" (hits Mommy)
Mommy: (restraining Orion who is now kicking while Oliver cries in the playpen) "No kicking or hitting. You are being very mean to Mommy and Oliver. You are making Mommy and Oliver sad"
Orion: "Waaaah. Aaaaah. Yooooow. I said NO NIGHTTIME!"
Mommy: "Okay, let's calm down. Do you want to watch Thomas video?" (resorting to distraction/bribery just because Mommy needs desperately to pump and take care of poor baby Oliver's needs.)
Orion: "NO!"
Mommy: "How about Charlie Brown?"
Orion: "No!"
Mommy: "Okay, fine"
Orion: (looks longingly at blank TV screen) "I said yes Charlie Brown!!!" (screaming again.)
Mommy: "I'll go get the video. Why don't you lie down on the bed"
Orion: "No nighttime. Aaaaaaaah!!!!!" (screams and throws stuff around the room completely out of control)
Mommy: "Are you feeling sick?"
Orion: "Yes"
Mommy: "Why don't you rest"
Orion: "NO!" runs over to playpen and hits Oliver
Mommy: (extremely mad now) "Stop. That's enough. Say you are sorry" (firm)
Orion: "NO! NO NIGHTTIME, AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (screaming, kicking, fighting, throwing, the works!)
Mommy: (decides to call prayer warrior friends) "I'm calling Carol to tell her about your behavior"
Orion: (looking startled) "No Mommy. Don't call Carol. Don't call Carol. Don't call Carol. DON'T........CALL......CAROL!!!!!" (fights Mommy for phone. Gets it out of her hand because she is holding crying Oliver. Forcefully throws phone on the floor, breaking it)
Mommy: (reaching for spare phone) "You broke the phone Orion. Daddy is going to be very upset. I am calling Carol now"
Orion: "NO!!!!!!! AHHHHH! " (random screaming at top of lungs continues while he tries to rip the phone from Mommy. Mommy has a good grip this time and calls in her prayer request. Not sure if they heard her over the yelling but she figures they get the idea that there is distress in her home. Hopefully Carol has caller ID and knows it's us)
Mommy: "I told Dustin you were not behaving"
Orion: "NO! Don't call Dustin" (looks at broken phone on floor and points) "I BROKE THIS STUFF!!!I BROKE THIS STUFF!!! I BROKE THIS STUFF!!!"
Mommy: "Yep, you sure did. That was very bad" (firm, bothered tone)
Orion: (goes into other room and dumps out tea party toy box - kicks toys around room)
Mommy: (drags Orion over to toy box) "You need to pick up all of those toys Orion. Right now!"
Orion: "No!"
Mommy: (puts poor crying Ollie back in playpen. Muscles Orion over to toys. Puts her hands over his and makes him pick up the toys with his hands)
Orion: "I say NO!" (as soon as toys are put away he picks up the box and dumps them out again. Mommy repeats pickup routine with Orion 3 more times)
Oliver: (playing with TV remote somehow turns on Charlie Brown video)
Orion: (distracted by Charlie Brown video goes over to bed and lies down with pooh blanket) "I'm going to bed"
Mommy: "Good idea"

The closing scene:
Mommy proceeds to fix dinner for both boys and feed them. Puts Orion in bath afterwards. Orion sits there until he's shriveled like a prune and Mommy insists he gets out. Orion throws a fit and then poops in the tub. Mommy loses her mind. Mommy takes Orion out of bath and screams. She tells him to sit on the potty and not touch anything. Daddy arrives home to this chaos. Oliver is crying, Mommy is screaming, Orion is naked on the toilet, and there is floating poop. Mommy charges upstairs to find bleach cleaning stuff. Mommy sanitizes everything and gives Orion a second bath. Orion calms down and is nice the rest of the evening. Mommy decides that she will fill out the paperwork for the child psychaitrist soon...and she might need to see one for herself too!

IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING, ORION IS SCREAMING!

PREVIOUS
It was a dreary and rainy day in Olympia. We were all a bit groggy and feeling slightly under the weather but needed to get out of the house for a spell. So, we decided to go to Tumwater Falls to see the Salmon hatchery. This was a seemingly simple family outing. Seemingly being the key word.

It was raining buckets by the time we were ready to depart and I dug out my serious rain slicker that I bought years ago in NYC for down pours just like this. Upon inspection of Orion's regular coat I decided that he needed something a bit more weatherproof. I dug out a rain coat that we bought for him a while back. It was a simple, rubber-like coat. The typical rain coat you see with matching boots for kids. Nothing odd. Nothing itchy or stinky (to our knowledge).

We told Orion "Let's go see the jumping fish". And he said "Okay Mommy" with glee and wonderment. Then I said "Let's put on your new rain coat". Suddenly the world fell apart. "No, I said no rain coat Mommy!" "How about this coat?" he says holding up the usual, barely water-resistant one. "No honey, it's raining too hard for that coat. This is a lovely blue coat. Let's have you wear this one". "NO!" he demands. "I don't want to see fish. I don't want rain coat. I say no outside".

Okay...now we have been told that we need to stand our ground once we've announced we are doing something. Follow through is immensely important or else what we say holds no value. John and I lock eyes and realize we are in it and we aren't backing down. Yes, it's inconsequential whether we see the fish or not. But our parenting skills are at risk here so we must forge ahead.

I wrestle with getting Ollie in his coat and strapped into his car seat. He starts crying a bit complicating our brains. Now we have both kids fussing but Orion is clearly the louder, more insistent one.

I then zip Orion into his coat while he squirms, screams, unzips, and wriggles out. I persist. He persists. I persist. He persists. The coat comes on and off numerous times. Finally I muscle him into the coat, scoop him up while restraining him, announce to John that I'm taking Orion to the minivan and whisk him out the door. He screams the whole walk from house to driveway. Certainly the neighbors can hear, but at this point they should know full well about the madness and noise in our home. I try and ignore it.

I force Orion into his car seat. In the midst of this John appears with Oliver. I beckon for his help in strapping our fighting child into his seat. Then off we go. Orion is still screaming and kicking as we pull out of the driveway. Ollie is crying in his car seat too. There is nothing but noise and chaos. John says "Where are we going?" and I blurt out "Oh just drive!"

We drive. Orion says "I SAY NO COAT. I WANT NO COAT. TAKE IT OFF!!!!". I, in the calmest and most chipper voice I can muster repeat over and over to him "It's okay honey. Oh it's okay". We drive in circles within a mile radius of our house hoping the drive will calm him. It does not. We drive further. Still no calm.

Finally it's so out of control that we must address Orion's crazed behavior. John shouts "STOP", Orion persists with yelling. John announces calmly that if Orion doesn't stop we will pull the van over and he will get a spanking. Orion decides to see if he means business and screams LOUDER. John pulls over, turns around calmly, and spanks Orion on the thigh. We couldn't unstrap him at this juncture because we'd never get him back in the car seat so the thigh is the only spanking option. Orion pouts at the sting of the spanking but persists...slightly quieter. John warns again of another spanking if the yelling continues. Orion continues. A second spanking to the thigh is administered. John asks if he wants another and Orion pouts but says "No". Now he is quieter in his seat but still doing the dry heave, wimper cry. We ask if he wants to take a big breath (a calming technique we use with him) and he says yes. We all take deep breaths together. Orion asks for more breaths so we take more.

He starts to calm down and we both excitedly praise him for his quietness and calm. "Good job Orion. Good job being quiet. We are so proud of you". Orion says in a calm and quiet voice "But I want to take the coat off". I say "Yes, honey...I know. When we get home we can take it off. But first we are going to see the jumping fish. Do you want to see the fish". "No Mommy, I want to go home. I want to take it off." Orion begs. "Well, we aren't going home until we see the fish. You can stay in the car or you can get out and see the fish but only if you are quiet." I say.

John then asks if I have any bribes in my purse. Digging, I find some swedish fish. Halloween candy that didn't quite make it to halloween. How appropriate...a fish reward for seeing the jumping fish...as if we planned it that way.

"Orion, if you are a good boy, if you are quiet, no screaming or crying when we see the fish, you can have a special red fish when we get back in the car" I dangle the red candy within view. "I want special red fish Mommy". "Okay honey, let's go see the jumping fish. Then if you have been good, once we are back in the car you can have the special red fish." "Okay Mommy".

We unload and puddle jump our way over to the fish hatchery. The salmon are huge. They jump and twist before our eyes and Orion loves it. He laughs and jumps excitedly, completely forgetting about the dreaded rain coat he is wearing. A man approaches offering us special 3D glasses to view the fish. We take them and he begins to inform us all about the Chinook Salmon. He has a parks department jacket so he's not just some random dude with fish knowledge. We listen in the cold rain and finally decide it's too darn cold for us sickies to be out in this blustery weather. We hop back to the car while promising the special red fish in order to coax Orion into leaving.

Once in the car he gets the special red fish and chews it with glee. "I want more special red fish Mommy" he says. "Well, when we get home, if you are still quiet and calm you can have another". "Okay Mommy" he says in his chipper voice. Then in a quiet voice he says "But I want to take the rain coat off. I want to take it off Mommy. Can I take the rain coat off? I want to take it off Mommy. I said no rain coat. I want to take it off". he pleads. "Orion" I say sternly "You better be quiet or there will be no more special red fish. You can take off the jacket when we get home". "Okay Mommy. But I want to take it off" he says persistently. Uhhhh...really??? Hmmm...I can't remember...did he mention that before??? (sarcasm).

We make it home. Orion skips back to the house, down the sidewalk, holding Mommy's hand. We don't know when we will take out the dreaded rain coat again but we suspect we will do it again soon. It's all about who's in control and we want that to be us!

CAUSING A SCENE AT CHURCH!

NEXT
Since this is my first post on this new blog I feel like I should explain. I created this blog because it's the real, raw truth about raising a kid on the autism spectrum and also an infant with health issues (Laryngomalacia).

In our main blog (www.orionandollie.com) I show cute pictures with short, happy tails of life. I don't want to alarm anyone too much. It's all neatly tied up with a bow to please elderly relatives and easily offended people. But this blog is for the real truth. The unedited tails of trauma and triumph in parenting our kids. It will likely be cathartic for me and help me keep tabs on where we once were and how far we've come.

So...lets start with today! Today is Sunday and we got ready for our afternoon church service as usual. Orion has a special helper at church, Motorcycle Bob. He is a volunteer that raised two foster kids with autism. He also is a former special ed. teacher so he can handle all that Orion can dish out...we hope!

This morning Orion started in on the protests very early. Shortly after breakfast I said something to John about changing Oliver's outfit to get him ready for church. As soon as Orion heard the word "church" he started saying. "We're not going to church, I say no church, first we play cars, then we go to store. I say no church". He's really into this picture schedule thing we do. He likes to know what's happening and in what order. So, he thought maybe he'd suggest his way out of the church idea. Well, it wasn't working.

Also, let me mention that this past week we started an intensive therapy called ABA. That stands for Applied Behavior Analysis. This therapy really pushes Orion and basically we try to get him to submit to authority and to control his tantrums and out-of-control anxieties. Well, it's all about Orion knowing that he must do as told and that he won't die from what he's required to do. So....the church thing was no exception.

He continued to follow me around the house barking orders at me and ramping up his tantrum as I tried to get ready for church. I could not think clearly and it was hard to get ready. I couldn't find a hairbrush or comb anywhere but I wasn't going to let that deter me from my mission. I combed my hair with a fork! Yep, what do I care? Our mission is not to look good. It's to get Orion to church to show him that his tantrums will not control our lives. So, I improvised, adapted, and overcame...as John would say.

We got Orion in the minivan and strapped in. He protested the whole drive. He even tried doing it our way by using a happy voice in protesting. "Mommy...how 'bout no church, how 'bout we go to the store" with a happy little upturn in his voice. Then he tried the 'my basic needs are being denied' tactic. "Mommy, Orion wants to take a nap. No church Mommy. Orion wants to take a nap". As we got closer and closer to the church the niceness turned to whining. Then the whining turned to yelling. Once we pulled into the parking lot the yelling turned to yelling, throwing, kicking, and flailing.

We ignored it all. John and I put on a united front. We agreed that I would take Orion in the door because he sometimes is nicer with Mommy. I muscled him out of the car seat with much protest. With the minivan door open everyone within a one mile radius could hear his screaming. Everyone stared. Some people glared. We ignored it.

I held Orion's arms and legs so that he could not injure me too much on the approach to the front door. He managed to get in a few good hair pulls but nothing that won't grow back. People were all gathered in the foyer of the church waiting to get seated. They all stared. I don't blame them. How could you not stare? He was screeching at the TOP of his lungs as if we were burning him with a hot poker. I whisked him past everyone into the child care area and found Motorcycle Bob. He looked at me with a sympathetic smile as if to say..."I've been there before".

"Tough morning?" Bob said. "Oh he's been this way since long before we got in the door" I say. Then I beg him to take Orion outside to the play toys to cool off even though it's raining. He agrees and John, Oliver and I vanish to church as quickly as possible.

At the end of church we return to the child care room to find a calm Orion stuffing a graham cracker in his face. Aarrggg! Orion is on a strict gluten free / casein free diet which I had explained to the child care but it must have slipped past them. (no wheat or dairy) It's called a GFCF diet and many kids on the autism spectrum are on it because they have allergies and tend to focus and behave better on this diet. We don't know if Orion has allergies but are just trying the diet as an experiment. Anyway, it didn't seem that he self-destructed after the graham cracker so we hope it's okay.

So...that was our morning. Thankfully Oliver slept through the whole church service and was calm throughout the rest of the morning.

Now they are both napping and we are cleaning and getting ready for upcoming homegroup.

That's our true story for today! More later.